They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy." Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush." The immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the best policy." Michelangelo and all of the other old masters-"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction-have used similar language. “Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company to the forsaken it is a friend to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. But quickly! let it be inundated by the choir, chanting Alleluias at ninety decibels.)” (AGH! AGH! AGH! – an idiot screams his mindless anguish amid the rubble. Children, too, of Eve, forever building Edens – and kicking them apart in berserk fury because somehow it isn’t the same. Be born then, gasp wind, screech at the surgeon’s slap, seek manhood, taste a little godhood, feel pain, give birth, struggle a little while, succumb: (Dying, leave quietly by the rear exit, please.) Generation, regeneration, again, again, as in a ritual, with blood-stained vestments and nail-torn hands, children of Merlin, chasing a gleam. We march in spite of Hell, we do – Atrophy, Entropy, and Proteus vulgaris, telling bawdy jokes about a farm girl name of Eve and a traveling salesman called Lucifer. We have your bloody hatchets and your Hiroshimas. We have your Babylons and your Pompeiis, your Caesars and your chromium-plated (vital-ingredient impregnated) artifacts. ![]() ![]() We have your eoliths and your mesoliths and your neoliths.
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